What a great thread! Everyone has battles that no one knows aboutā¦ sharing and talking is healing. Thanks @Enlightened420
I have MS, 3 Brain Aneurysms and various other issues that stem from these.
Iāve had to learn to walk and talk twice. Relapses are similar to strokes. Iām fortunate to have a positive outlook and know for sure that cannabis helps me. When Iām in hospital and in a wheelchair or Zimmer frame (itās a cool zimmer with leather and studs 
) i wheel or shuffle out to the hospital car park, have a joint, and walk back in. Literally. And drag along any other like minded corruptible patients - love the shenanigans 
You wouldnāt know im sick if you met me. I love growing weed and I strive to do the best I can, and the people I have met on here have helped me learn so much more about it than I ever thoughy possible!
I know many cancer patients through my late husbands battle with cancer, ms patients and I always pay it forward. A small gift to them is nothing to me but helps them so much. I absolutely LOVE being a green fairy 
And love being able to share and talk in a safe place
I can vouch for that. 
i am the green fairy here for a few old girls like me. unless i tell you why i disappear when it gets bad no one will know. i had to get tested for a stroke last week. i am just taking baclofen and steroids until i get in at the mellen center in cleveland. i almost hit a car in dec because i didnt know i had lost my peripheral vision. i was so upset at the thought of not driving again. the idea of no freedom is worse than the reality.
Thank you for sharing my friend @aussiecrawl.
Your bravery is an inspiration to us all and reminds me of a very short simple fact;
Be grateful.
P.S Stay away from sugar free products, bad for people with MSā¦
i wish i could be nice and happy like you guys. right now i am so full of anger and black rage i want to burn this shi@ down and take all of these doctors with me. it took 15 years of insane symptoms to get tested for MS. every INDIGNITY of this disease is now permanent for me. i could have been helped years ago. i am cycling faster thru each episode now. i lose something each time. imagine NEVER smelling your plants again or flowers or the ocean. imagine NEVER tasting anything but cardboard. shelves full of books you cant read anymore. i was told over and over you are fine this is normal for a woman your age. i was treated for parkinsons and never had it. i used my rage for the last 40 years to get me where i am today. my rage pushed me to never give up. i had something to prove. once upon a time i was court ordered to get anger managment. my fantastic therapist understood why i was the way i am and helped me channel it. he told me rage is my protection and learn to use it. if i had used it on these doctors instead of accepting their bullshi@ i might not be this bad. so i am thinking rage once again is going to save my as@.
I can understand your rage, there donāt seem to be too many good doctors left anymore, in and out in 5 minutes,
charge you $200ā¦
I will be honest my sister, as I always am.
My rage causes me unparalleled fear.
Fear that if I ever unleash that terrifying force, I will never be able to stop it,
until it has completely consumed meā¦
Live your life however you need to Trich,
@aussiecrawl and yourself have been through more pain and loss, than most people feel in an entire lifetimeā¦
If you need rage to feed your engine,
by all meansā¦
However, I do know of a force far more powerful than rage, it is the most powerful force in existenceā¦ But you already know what Iām going to say 
Thank god for people like you!! Green fairies generously giving to others to provide symptom relief and make their life better.
And ur not like some wealthy person sitting on the deck of their yacht, feet up, firing off checks to PETA or Save the Whales. ā¦whatever. U are people who, despite ur own suffering, still find it within urself to notice the pain around u and DO something about it.
Trish I want to tell u to let go of that rage because it is going to eat u up inside. . ā¦ ā¦BUT (Could u tell that was coming?! Lol)
if I say that I would be a hypocrit. I believe it is true and correct, but I havent been able to process and heal from some of my own rage.
I am 65. Will I ever??? Idk.
My neighbor, who happens to be one of the best human beings I know, was having bizarre symptoms. Drs kept brushing him off. Two years later, hes been diagnosed with a rare and deadly blood cancer.
It is too far along to treat. All the drs who misdiagnosed him, dismissed him. . . .I havent yet gotten over my anger about this.
So for all ur feelings of rage and betrayal. . .my sistah. . ā¦I relate. Im so sorry u are going thru this.
A long time ago, I had a suspicious lesion on my lower lip. It kept bleeding, scabbing over, going away then reappearing. For 5 freakin yrs!! Why so long? My health insurance had a rule that ur primary physician had to give u a referral/permission to see a specialist, or it would not be covered. Twice my primary dr just shrugged his shoulders and said ātheres nothing they can do for that.ā Mind u Im a blue-eyed blond living in Florida. ( all of this screams skin cancer)
After 5 years our insurance changed and we could see any specialist of our own decision- just had to pay a higher co-pay. So I called a dermatologist. They had a 10 month waiting list if u didnt have a drs referral. So I waited another 10 months.
Long story- ill try to wrap it up. The derm told me it was skin cancer. He did surgery in his office to remove it. My husband was in the room watching. Later told me the dr had shock on his face after he made the incision. Underneath the skin/lip- the small lesion had spread to the size of a nickel. At a follow up, the dr told me the surgery should have been done in the hospital-- had he known it was so large.
A year later it came back and I saw a plastic surgeon who did a different type of surgery on it. (The Dermatologist had done Mohs surgery.)
And the point of me sharing this with u Trish, is certainly not to equate this scar on my chin with what u are dealing with.
Here is the pointā¦after all this went down, maybe a couple years later, I learned that my insurance had given monthly bonuses (kickbacks) to primary doctors who did not send referrals to specialists, thereby saving the insurance companies money, padding their wallets and risking their patients health.
Well fuck me sideways. I hope there is an especially fire-y room in Hell for these people.
Rage, betrayal of trust. . . ā¦yeah. I do feel that even tho I know allowing this to go on just eats u up inside.
I feel i should end on a good note. Here it is.
After my second surgery, a few days later I was at a soccer game (i coached a team of kids at the YMCA)- with this big stitched up incision on my chin and lip. 2 other coaches came up to me and asked me what happened. Idk how I kept a straight face but I told them āLast week during a game, I got into it with a pissed off parent. . .ā
O
M
G
Their mouths literally dropped open and they had looks of horror on their faces. (I still laugh when I think of that!!!)
Ok I know Im weird, but the fact that they believed that such a timid wimpy person (me) got into a fist-fight. . . lol. It filled me with some warped pride or joy or something.
Yeah. . . im a bad ass!!!
girl it is exactly the same thing! my rage keeps me moving. i can not ever be seen as weak or give up. too many people would take advantage of me and then i would lose everything i worked so hard for, i knew i was starting to spiral when i had to go to court jan 6 over my property and i kept it wired tight until it was over. i got into that real estate game with the misconception that that single mothers needed me to help them buy their first homes and teach them how to do their own repairs so they would never be at anyones mercy. man i was so delusional. until the day comes that i give up what i do i have to keep fighting. why is there no consequence for a medical professional that just does nothing and lets you suffer? if my husband went to the same doctor with a hangnail he would have been admitted to the hospital until his booboo was better. seen it myself over the years.
I thought of sharing some beautiful words i have listened to from original old hippies the last couple days, catching up over some bud and great honest conversation. I think what she had to say will help alot of people suffering stress and anxiety during these dark days.
My cards were drawn without my knowledge in December by this lady, it was done as a present from my partner. This was the actual card that pulled and today resonates deeply with me.
The basic symbolism was spot on, without her knowing my age, current situation. Me and her reconnected after maybe a year of not seeing eachother, and it was a wonderful experience. She was very positive about my future ( Thank Jahovah ) but also said I must be careful of a very dark cloud that surrounds this,ā¦ ( and since I last saw her, this dark cloud is real through a number of incidents I faced and was challenged with last year April/May )
We are all mostly suffering during this pandemic and I am sure you can agree it is bringing out sides of people you thought never existed, even oneself. She warned me not to be drawn into this dark energy as it will drag me down, and damn she is spot on. I literally had someone walk up to me the other day, dreadlocks, barefoot and aggressively call me a bleep bleep, I rose above it, smiled and left. Point being is against my character to handle situations like this, but I felt good, not grinding down to his level. I could have gone another route and had a physical fight, but instead walked tall and far away from trouble. He has since been banned from the location we were in, and I took my partner for a lovely meal the other day, joined by some other amazing people.
Point is, stay cool and calm during these difficult times, if someone dislikes you for whatever reason, rise above it. Mental suffering.pain comes out in many ways, dont drag yourself into potentially dangerous situations and focus on the goodness in your life. There is always something to be grateful for, your family, pets, home, loved ones and cannabis!!! Chase the sun, smile and look for the truth.
Whats really interesting about the card she pulled in December is a couple days ago I was walking around my farm under a beautiful tree, and stumbled across this piece of wood, and my hair stood as soon as I saw it. I have given it to the original hippie/tarot reader to make some magic with it and will post the final piece when she is done. It might be weeks or months, in her time and as she says, when the wood speaks to her she will create something. Oh there is an owl face on the back too. Never seen something like this.
Like @candygreen said to me today ( French accent, love it ) , We are like the pink and white poppies surrounding a field of GMO corn crops, we are the truth seekers, we will never stop fighting the evil in this world. Wishing you all kindness, compassion and truth. Much love and good night.
Sigh . . . .
That was a lovely message!!! Just what I neededāty Chris.
@pptrsha1 we need to absorb this!!!
To All of our brothers and sisters who are cold and hungry, stay strong,
have hope and never give up
Please be kind and generous,
if you can safely help others,
I humbly beg you to do so 
How sharper than a serpentās tooth it is
To have a thankless child!
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
Because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
ā Rumi
Thatās words to live by My Brother!! 
"Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds, the harvest can either be flowers or weeds."
10 Ancestral Teachings
-
The Earth is our mother,
care for her. -
Honor your ancestors through your actions.
-
Open your heart and soul to the Great Spirit.
-
All life is sacred;
treat all beings with respect. -
Take from the Earth what is needed and nothing more.
-
Put the good of all before your own interests.
-
Give constant thanks for each new day.
-
Speak the truth;
but only of the good in others. -
Follow the rhythms of nature;
rise and retire with the sun. -
Enjoy lifeās journey,
but leave no tracks.
Makes sense to meā¦
Such great teachings for living ur life by. Ty for being such a positive presence in my life Oreo.
When life starts beating u up, its tempting to get jaded and angry or negative. But that doesnt help anything.
I appreciate having positive, caring people to turn to for moral support. So thank u Oreo and all my friends on GN.
Also Id like to thank the mods here for the respectful, friendly way u treat the members.
As I keep seeing names I recognize from ilgm. . moving here. . . .
You know, on one hand I dont want to talk about the abusive way the ilgm mods treat some of their members-- because I have moved on. Its time to use our forum contacts to help and befriend each other. ( and not bemoan the past.)
But on the other hand-- if ur a new member here because u reject the hostility of ilgm mods, if u need supportā¦pls talk to me! Many of us here have had this unfortunate experience.