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Brian's Utopia πŸ’š

i have a story to tell. my dad was army. special forces, macv sog, blah blah blah. we moved a lot. until viet nam. i had a little brother and sister and an older sister that has a different dad. from 1964 until 1975 my dad was home 30 days a year until he got blown up in a jeep. he did not die. it made him worse. in those 30 days that he was home we would pray he would leave. he tortured us. he did surprise night raids on us and beat us. for 10 years. i learned to sleep with my eyes open. i learned how to be in a bed and make it look empty. i learned to read him and feel if he was going to hurt me when i was around him so i could run. i had the same nightmare my whole life where i was trying to save my little brother and he always died. he turned into a drug addict and died last year. my little sister is killing herself with food. she now weighs 400 lbs. my older sister is an alcoholic. i smoke pot. i ran away and never looked back. i felt i owed a debt to my brother for not saving him but now its paid in full. i am ready to move on from this mess now.

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@pptrsha1 , my heart sinks for what you have been through and I cant imagine how you see the world through your experiences. I am glad you dont feel you owe your brother any longer and have moved along with your life. Wishing you the best in this fresh start to your life and leaving the burden behind.

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i cried like a dang baby writing that but i feel better. i am going to not carry this any more.

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That is brilliant to hear, you are acknowledging the pain you have been suffering and your tears are releasing that energy. You are healing, do you feel like you need to speak to someone ? :smiley: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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i got court ordered help for anger. they said i would let it go when i was ready. i am

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Keep up that positivity. You have said you are ready, you are starting something new. I wish you smiles and a happy heart.

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That took amazing courage to write. My heart is with you.

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i came back to delete it because it was my secret. my daughter told me secrets hurt so i will leave it.

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Now it’s behind you. Leave it there. Look forward just keep looking forward.:+1:t3:

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I cried too. Life is chaotic. In that chaos is danger and beauty. Most don’t get to experience true danger. I feel this allows life to be experienced deeper than others because of the extreme knowledge of the good and the bad. I am very happy you are good enough to share it now.
(Honored that it was with us.) Secrets eat away at you. That’s why the truth always comes out. I’m glad your better now. I’m sad for your siblings.
Hopefully they will take some guidance from you.

I lived an abusive childhood. I know the fear. It has effected me my entire life. It has made my character very strong. It allowed me to be there for others. It was very helpful for others who didn’t have the strength, which I am very grateful for.

Stay strong. I’m proud of you for your strength. We are always growing in everyway!

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My dear Sister @pptrsha1,

From the bottom of my heart…
Thank you :pray: Thank you for sharing your pain with us, thank you for showing amazing courage and Thank you for not deleting your post.
My dear friend, this is your truth, never run from it, embrace it, those shadows can’t hurt you anymore, let the tears flow, unload your pain to the wind and let it drift away…
You are an amazing, strong, beautiful person, that I have come to call friend.
Nothing this world can throw at you will ever defeat you. You’re a bad ass warrior Grandma that has been through hell and back and you’re still HERE!
I for one am happy, thank you for blessing us with your friendship and your past.

Much love Trish :v: :green_heart:

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Thanks for sharing your story- glad you are here to tell it. :heart: :revolving_hearts:out to you

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Wow what a heart wrencher so sorry that happened to you all.
@pptrsha1

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